First, A Parley with an Apostate
Last week, I was in Utah and had an extended chat with an apostate. Terrible word. He’s also been excommunicated. Another terrible word. In a couple of weeks I’ll provide a link to our conversation. For the time being, he’ll remain anonymous.
Until the past 2 years, I really didn’t know any apostates or excommunicants. I find them to be wonderful people. Intelligent & thoughtful, open & understanding. Plus, they’re kind and loving. Who would a thunk it?
While in Utah, by happenstance, I ran into an apostle. He’ll also remain anonymous. A reliable record of our conversation is recounted below
The Apostolic Interview
Apostle: It’s very nice to meet you.
Sam: I’m honored and a little nervous to meet you, sir.
Apostle: Before we start, I’d like to ask you a question. Sam, how do you think I look?
Sam: You look great….except….for….. . . . Well, there’s a booger hanging from your nose.
Apostle: (Pointing to his nose) Do you mean this big, fat, green booger?
Apostle: Don’t worry about it. It was sent from God.
Sam: What does that mean?
Apostle: It’s a booger filled with love.
Sam: This isn’t making any sense.
Apostle: This beautiful juicy booger is filled with love for gay people and all of their children.
Sam: Well, it kind of upsets my stomach when I look at it.
Apostle: I’m sorry about that. Everybody else has told me that my booger of love is really handsome.
Sam: You’re joking, right? Who, in the world, would tell you that they like your booger?
Apostle: I visited your stake conference last April. One thousand and one members were at the meeting. I asked the congregation to tell me how I looked. One thousand people raised their hands in approval of my appearance. Only one person didn’t like my booger.
Sam: That was me!
Apostle: Here’s what I want you to do, my dear friend, Sam. Go read the scriptures and then pray….about my big, fat, green booger. Before long, you will know that it is delicious to the taste and very desirable.
Sam: I’m not going to pray about your booger. I already know that it’s disgusting.
Apostle: Now, now, Sam. When you get home I want you to go talk with your stake president.
**Note: This morning I asked my adult daughter, “Suppose you were meeting with one of your clients, someone in upper management. If they had a booger would you tell them?” She replied, “Nope. I’d only tell someone really close, like my sisters or a best friend.”
Moral of the story: when our friends have a booger, we point it out. If we don’t, what kind of friend are we? The booger is the policy of excommunicating gay couples and excluding their children. It was announced in November 2015.