My Fellow Disconsolate

hands

Are you suffering dreadful heartache? Are you crying inside? Are you shedding tears of grief, sadness and loss?  If you are, you are not alone.  I’m right there with you, my friend.  You, me…we share something in common.  It may not emanate from the same source.  But, if you are in any kind of profound grief, I’m there with you, right now.

I can’t predict when this deep anguish will come over me. But, it has heaped itself with a vengeance today.  I can’t seem to shake this soul crushing gloom.  So, I’m going to share it…in hopes that there might be one other person in our community who needs companionship and empathy at this very moment.

Today, I’ve been at the office. After 2 weeks of huge distractions, my business needs serious attention.  Now, I sit here at a very late lunch.  Chick-fil-A.  Tears just keep streaming.  Oh…the damn loss of what I have dedicated my whole life to.  Literally, my whole life.  Ahead of family.  Ahead of career. A head of everything. And…I KNEW that my priorities were right.  Oh crap!

I was lied to.  I was misled.  I was blind.  Now, I’m not.  I wouldn’t want to undo my sight if I could.  I had friends.  I had purpose.  I had community.  I had standing.  All sacrificed in order to seek and embrace new truth.  But, that damn loss is so damn crushing.  Today, the sledge hammer of bereavement is pounding hard.

So, my struggling friend, I’m taking your hand in mine. I’m squeezing it. Squeezing with understanding, empathy and love. May we both know that sorrow is okay.  May we both know that it will pass.

Perhaps this will be a fitting end for my post.  I just realized that in addition to my eyes, my nose is crying too.  Time to clean up, before I look like a complete baby in the booth.

I love you my friend….whoever you might be.

10 thoughts on “My Fellow Disconsolate

  1. May you find peace and the sense of belonging and being needed that you desire. It is painful. I am a year or two older than you and am finding it difficult to replace the community I’ve known for decades. Hang in ther, Sam. You’re helping many.

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  2. I feel your pain. My friend. It has been the week from hell for so many. I , too have cried so many tears, that I am not sure there are any more. I got a little too pompous when we rode out Harvey in our motor home with no problems whatsoever. Then the storm moved on and things started happening that could have tested my faith. But I know Heavenly Father is watching out for us. He is watching out for you, too. Love and prayers to you, Patty, and your family. Good luck with getting your business up and running soon.

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  3. My Dear Friend, Sam,

    Grief begets eloquence? In your case, most assuredly so.

    Thank you for translating your deep emotions through the lens of poetry that miraculously conveys raw, heartfelt emotions from one amazing human being reaching out to other fellow sojourners who may be experiencing a similarly challenging twist and turn, gut-wrenching churn . . . of Life events never previously imagined even remotely possible.

    How many times did you see yourself stand, and hear yourself assert with complete honesty, ” My dear brothers and sisters, I want you to know . . . that I KNOW . . . ”

    To spend the major part of a lifetime of time and energy painstakingly constructing what you sincerely believed to be a Beautiful and Timeless Mansion in Heaven . . . only to make the crushing discovery that it was, in fact, in actual reality, a house of flimsy cards built upon a foundation of drifting sand . . .

    ” Oh…the damn loss of what I have dedicated my whole life to. Literally, my whole life. Ahead of family. Ahead of career. A head of everything. And…I KNEW that my priorities were right. Oh crap!”

    As much of a stab through your heart as that revelation causes you to feel, Sam, your personal fund of courageous integrity is shining through and guiding your path through grief and then healing . . . and then to the fulfillment and fruition of Sam Young’s very own priceless gifts and contributions to the planet.

    “I was lied to. I was misled. I was blind. Now, I’m not. I wouldn’t want to undo my sight if I could. I had friends. I had purpose. I had community. I had standing. All sacrificed in order to seek and embrace new truth.”

    WIth due respect for your choice of expression, Sam, I will remind us all that Truth is not new. Of course, Truth is timeless. And Truth patiently waits for each of us as long as is necessary for us to complete whatever engaging Life adventures we chose for ourselves . . . to give us experience . . . that enables us to learn what is right and what is good by experiencing what is not right and what is not good . . . as long and as often as it takes.

    Sam, today in a local store, I heard one of my favorite songs come on the sound system. Many years ago, I heard these lyrics and sentiments from a perspective not intended by the songwriter, but in a way that touched my heart and soul to the very core. This song resonates deeply in my heart every time I hear it. Never fails to bring a tear to my eye. I am going to share that song with you now.

    You will hear Richard Marx sing the lyrics . . . ostensibly expressing his longing for his lady love who is far away. Sam, I want you instead to hear this song in a different way. I want you to hear Richard’s beautiful voice as if sung to you by YOUR VERY OWN HIGHER SOUL ESSENCE … the timeless and eternal part of you that never left the Presence of Your Creator . . . the part of you that loves you more than mere humans can comprehend . . . the part of you who watches your every move, hears your every thought, and feels your every emotion, and sends you positive and loving energy and expectations for your success and happiness . . . the part of you that anxiously awaits your return to be fully reunited when this chapter of your Life Journey has run its course.

    Listen to Richard sing to your heart. Listen to Richard sing to your soul. Listen to Richard express a Love to you that transcends and surpasses every regret and disappointment that is weighing you down so deeply right now. Listen to Richard lift you and hold you and love you . . . perhaps in a way you might not have experienced before . . . before right now.

    Here is the link. I suggest you close your eyes to be undistracted by the visuals. And just ignore the few words of the lyrics that don’t quite play along with this different way of enjoying this beautiful expression of deep emotions and unfathomable love and acceptance of who and what you are, Sam, and who and what you are now becoming.

    Thank you for mustering the courage to bare and share your beautiful soul with those of us so blessed to know you, Sam. You are beyond a Pearl of Great Price, my friend. You are worth your weight in diamonds.

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  4. It sucks. For a long long long long time. And then it gets a lot better. Then it sucks some more. Then it gets better again. But you learn to trust the truth no matter where it takes you. Just know that you do have a community. A new community. A lot less organized at that. But we’re out here. You are a stranger to me, but I know of your pain and of your heartache because it has been my own. If you ever feel the need to unburden on a fellow traveler, feel free to address this stranger.

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