Get Your Thoughts and Probing Questions Out of Our Daughters’ PANTIES!!

Disgusted Girl

***Warning***

If you are OK with an older untrained man taking a 12 year old girl, alone, behind closed doors, without parental knowledge or consent, to ask personal sexual questions….DO NOT READ ON!!!!  You’re good to go.

Calling It Like It Is

No more pussy footing around.  A crappy spade is a crappy spade.  More & more continues to come out.  The church leadership has affected my own children more than I knew.  Just today, I found out additional things that were done to my young children.   So, here goes.

Bishops….get your thoughts and probing questions out of our daughter’s panties.

Bishops…get your thoughts and probing questions out of our sons’ underpants.

Bishops…masturbation and sex are totally inappropriate topics to be discussed with our minor children.

Bishops…shaming and guilting our children is NOT acceptable.

Bishops…interrogating our children about orgasm, penetration or sexual positions is sexual abuse of minors.  It’s a serious and nasty business.  STOP IT!!!

Blatant Disregard for Parental Protection

Listen to this story from a mother trying to protect her son.  Here are her words.

Below is an email I sent to my children’s bishop in November 2016 just after my son (Tyler) turned 16 and was being interviewed for the position of priest in the church (he was denied and still has not received it). I told my spouse (Bryan) before this interview that he had to be present with our Tyler and not allow him to be questioned about sexual matters. He missed my understanding on that and Tyler was questioned about masturbation anyway.

Dear Bishop,   Bryan informed me a little while ago that Tyler was asked questions of a sexual nature during his last interview.  I had specifically requested that my son not be asked those questions.  I find it highly inappropriate for a full-grown adult to ask questions of a sexual nature to an adolescent.  I don’t want him to feel shame and guilt for his actions.  The shame and guilt has caused Bryan so much pain and self-loathing over the years.  I don’t want Tyler to feel that way.  Please respect my wishes when it comes to Tyler, and all the other children in my family.  I know that it’s the request of the brethren to address these with the youth, but I am not comfortable with it.  Please refrain from this questioning to my children.  

Respectfully,  Shellie Smith

Two weeks following, he re-interviewed Tyler without my husband or I being present, and again asked about his masturbation habit.  I told my children and my husband that the kids were not allowed to be interviewed at all anymore.

Soon thereafter, my spouse and I, along with our 3 children, stopped attending.

Here’s a bishop whose thoughts and probing questions were directed into the underpants of a minor.  The mother had forbidden it.  The bishop had committed to respect the parental direction.  He violated the trust of the parents.  He violated the privacy of a 16 year old.  He drove a family out of the church.

Youth Interviews?  Nope!  They’re Masturbation Interviews

It turns out that this practice is super common in the church, at least in the United States.  In fact, it may now be a universal practice for all bishops to go verbally probing into the panties of our 12 to 17 year old children.   Disgusting!!!

Orgasm Interviews

Today, I spoke with a past member of a stake presidency.  He said that his stake president instructed the bishops to ask explicit questions when someone confessed a sexual indiscretion.  How common is this?  I’ve now heard too many stories to think it’s isolated.  Do you really want your 16 year old to be asked about her orgasms, her boyfriends orgasms, amount of penetration,  and sexual positions?  Again despicable instructions from a stake president.  All without the knowledge of the parents and behind those damn closed doors, all alone.

Raising Up a Lying Generation

So, what’s a kid to do when she/he is asked a shocking question whose answer could be laden with guilt and shame.  Would lying be a strong possibility?  This weekend, I asked 43 people if they lied to their bishop during youth interviews.  31 said yes.  75% learned to lie during their masturbation interviews.

Daddy Adult Daughter Talk

A few hours ago, I had this conversation with one of my daughters.

Dad:  Were you ever asked inappropriate and uncomfortable questions during your bishop youth interviews?

Daughter:  Of course.

Dad:  Did you ever lie during those interviews?

Daughter:  Yes, but not always.

Daughter:  At BYU, the bishop asked very uncomfortable questions the first week of school.  I quit going to church. (She only attended BYU for 6 months.)

Dad:  Why did you stop going to church?

Daughter:  It was too uncomfortable to look at this man after what he had asked me?

This all came as a shock to me.  During my 4 years as a student at BYU, I was never asked about masturbation.  Just a simple, “Do you keep the law of chastity?”

Lying For Your Mission

Apparently, being masturbation-free is a requirement to receive a mission calling.  With all the peer pressure, parental pressure and cultural pressure, would a 17 year old lie in order to pass this requirement?  The coercion factors are certainly there.  But, I have no data.  Only this.  A recent mission president in my area is quoted as having said, “If I had to send missionaries home for masturbation, I’d have to send half of the kids home.”

Justification for Masturbation Interviews

Two people have now offered this reasoning, “The ordinances of the church must be protected.”

Really?  I’m calling BS and hypocrisy on this one.  Last year, there were over 200,000 converts to the church.  They entered the sacred waters of baptism.  How well did we do at protecting the ordinance of baptism from…..masturbators?  We did super poorly.  In fact, we did not protect this ordinance one wit.  The missionaries DO NOT teach that masturbation is a sin.  Why not?  Don’t we want to protect the ordinance from people who masturbate?  Nope.  We want baptisms.

Do we teach people that after their family is baptized, an untrained older man will take their 12 year old daughters behind closed doors and put his thoughts, words and probing questions into her panties?  All alone?  Without the new converts’ knowledge or permission?  Nope.  Why not?  We want baptisms.

Why the Masturbation Fixation?

When I was a kid, we had youth interviews.  Never once did I have a masturbation interview.  At BYU, they were bishop interviews.  No probing questions into my underwear.  When I was bishop, I conducted youth interviews.  Never once did I put my thoughts, words or any probing questions into the panties of a young girl.

So, why is it happening today?

We have a scriptural record detailing over 3,000 years of God’s dealings with His children on earth.  3,000 years of prophetic pronouncements, encouragements and warnings.  And…3,000 years of…silence…on…masturbation.  Total crickets.  Old Testament and New Testament—Nope & nope.  Book of Mormon—Nope.  It’s the most correct book, written for our day and contains the fullness of the gospel.  Yet, not a word on masturbation.  D&C?  That’s a big nope, too.  It contains the revelations of the Restoration of all things.  Masturbation is so important that God didn’t issue one single word of concern.  The Pearl of Great Price?  If ever there was to be a pearl of wisdom regarding masturbation interviews it should be in this gem.  Nope.  A complete home-run of nopes.

But, I haven’t mentioned the most important source of divine counsel and commandment…the words of our Savior.  By this point, I’m sure you are aware that even Jesus Christ didn’t associate any shame or guilt with this personal sexual practice.

So where did the church’s masturbation fixation originate?

Here’s a speculation.  In the last few years, the church has disavowed and condemned our past racist doctrine, teachings, policies and practices.  They were in place for most of the history of our church.  Where did they come from?  They were simply made up under the influence of the surrounding society.  No revelation from God.  Just made up by men.  So, that’s all I speculate.  Our masturbation concerns have been made up by men, heavily influenced by societal norms.

However, society stops way short of shaming a child, alone, behind closed doors.  To those outside the church, this practice is revolting.  Just as it is to me.

Following Christ’s Example

There are many who are highly critical of me for criticizing a practice found in the church.  They say that if I don’t like what the church is doing I ought to leave.

That’s the exact attitude of the religious leaders of Christ’s time.  A hallmark of the Savior’s ministry was criticism of His leaders.  Often, in very harsh terms.  They wanted him to shut up.  Ultimately, they did shut him up with execution.

Are we not told to emulate Christ’s example? Of course.  This is part of my attempt at discipleship.

P.S.

421 members have chosen to actively participate in the Law of Common Consent.  I urge you to consider it, too.  Click HERE for the link to the Common Consent Register.

 

10 thoughts on “Get Your Thoughts and Probing Questions Out of Our Daughters’ PANTIES!!

  1. I have a story for the “Lying for your Mission” section.

    This one struck a particular cord because although it wasn’t a bishop, I had friends tell me “just lie, get out there, and the mission will fix you”.

    Now how the fuck was I supposed to go preach to people about being honest, true, and chaste, if I was out there being the exact opposite?

    I discovered masturbation at 6, was first asked about it at 13, first confessed at 14, and then continued to go through “check in” interviews every-other week on average until I was 25 and then became too old to even apply for mission service anymore.

    I went through 4 bishops, and 3 of them had me attend group therapies through LDS Family Services (paid for by myself), and two of them had me attend individual therapy (again paid for by myself).

    I never served a mission BECAUSE I was honest about masturbation, I never had savings because hundreds of dollars a month was for therapy, my self-love and confidence was at 0, and while a teen I attempted suicide twice…because:

    -masturbation was next in seriousness to murder
    -I was cheating on my future spouse
    -and whenever I masturbated it null-and-voided any previous repentance

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so sorry that you were led to believe that something completely normal and healthy was wrong. I hope that you have healed from that bad counsel.

      Like

    2. Dear Allen,

      Thank you for openly sharing such a vulnerable history. What happened to you was dead wrong on so many levels.

      Several times I have been asked why I’m focused on our damned masturbation interviews. The stake president even asked me. Your story is the epitome of why I’m so concerned. We are humiliating, shaming and damaging our children. Not to mention the possibility of putting them in the path of a dangerous pedophile.

      I’m sorry this happened to you, my friend. I hope that you have managed to land in a good place. All my very best wishes to you!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. . Sam, I have been thinking about this subject since your last posting. I agree 100% that a parent needs to be present for youth interviews. And part of the problem is that parents aren’t talking to their children about sexual situations. If a youth is in YM/YW they have the book For Strength of Youth and every subject needs to be discussed with parent(s) or leader of organization about each topic. Questions should be allowed either spoken or written. I believe someone with a psychologist background should be invited to give the lesson on sexual matters.
    You seem to be really hung up on masturbation. I understand where this can become an addiction and therefore is wrong to get started. Like alcohol. The sex drive is an overwhelming emotion and the younger masturbation is started, the harder it is going to be to break the habit. I can think of two places in the bible where these are abhorred. In IITimothy, he mentions being “lovers of self” when talking to the people. Some say this means masturbation, while others say it refers to ego. There is somewhere in the OT it mentions “the spilling of seed” which has been interpreted as meaning sex without intercourse. I believe that this is a subject discussed with all the youth and let them determine whether they want to take it up with the Lord.
    Our Bishops are put into a position that no man should be placed in. The only question they should have to ask is …are you morally clean….and are you worthy to go to the Temple. I really admire any man who accepts that position. And if he is asking explicit questions of youth, he needs to be released or reschooled. The same goes for Stake Presidents.
    I do not believe that this is an epidemic in the church, but one lost child is one too many.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would like to see one speck of evidence that becoming addicted to masturbation is correlated with the age at which it begins. Quit trying to justify unjustifiable behavior. *If* masturbation is something that can truly become an addiction, it is rooted in the same things as all other addictions – shame and lack of connection with others – which the Mormon church compounds exponentially with its shaming culture and practices.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. When I left on my mission there was constant pressure at the mission home to come clean of past transgressions. After all the heart rending talks there were long lines to confess. That didn’t phase me. Then I arrived in the mission field. That night the mission president took each of us one on one to interview. My initial thinking was how nice to be welcomed personally to the mission. For me after the initial cordialities, he went right into sexual questions, like had I had sex with animals…and it went downhill from there. That was my first experience with what I have starting calling ecclesiastical voyeurism, the practice of church leadership getting their sexual stimulations at the expense of the innocent. This article was spot on and appropriate for what happens way too much. My sister let it be known to her bishopric that under no circumstances were they ever to interview her children. I applauded her for that stand. This fixation on masturbation is beyond childish and reprehensible. There have been LDS youth that killed themselves from the guilt and the energy sucking from these monster leaders. ALL. BEWARE FOR YOUR CHILDREN. Even I told each of my sons that if they ever felt uncomfortable in an interview to walk out and I would back them up.

    Liked by 2 people

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