A Slut in the Bishop’s Office

IMG_1327[1]

Tonight, I visited temple square and took this picture of the nativity.  Peaceful, calm beautiful.  I love the gospel of Jesus Christ that this scene epitomizes.  Humility, tenderness,  love.

I’m going to relate a different story of what is happening in the Church which bears His name.  But, this narrative bears no resemblance to His gospel.

I was 15 and had a 18 year old boyfriend.  I lost my virginity.  My parents went to my bishop and asked him to talk to me.  I was forced to go.  I Confessed and he asked me, “Do you know what people called girls like you?”  He called me a Slut. He told me I’d never get a descent young man and I had ruined all my chances. The rose petals were damaged and could never be made beautiful again. 

I married the first boy that was nice to me at 17 and got the heck out of there. He was horribly abusive to me.  We divorced at 21.  Luckily no children.

That bishop, that monster!  I was so young and already suffered from low self esteem.  I felt absolutely horrible and then his words broke my heart.  That kind of personal attack and degrading stays with me even today.   For several years, I was very depressed and suicidal.  I just needed a friend, an ear and some positive kind words.  

As I write this, I’m calm.  However, when I first read the story, I released an angry expletive when I came to the word ‘slut.’  This could have happened to any one of my six daughters.  It will NOT happen to my granddaughters.  That is what drives me to fight for change.

Back to the tender babe of the season, who is my Savior.  Christ beckoned all children to come to him.  He did not beckon any little girl to go behind a closed door, with an untrained older man, all alone, to be asked if she masturbates.  And…what other dangers might lurk behind those closed doors?  For one, calling a vulnerable 15 year old, a slut.  That is not the embodiment of Christ’s love.  It’s the embodiment of evil.

To my dear friend of this story:

I’m sorry this happened to you.  It was wrong.  You were wronged.  I believe what you have shared.  Thank you for honoring me with your trust.  I can assure you that sharing your story you will help many, many others who are still struggling with self-loathing from this misguided practice.

Stand Up for Our Vulnerable Children

Help me, and thousands of others, eradicate this repugnant practice.  Sign the PetitionShare the Petition.

Additional Resources

 

29 thoughts on “A Slut in the Bishop’s Office

  1. I signed the petition. I have a story too. Very embarrassed by it. It’s late right now. I’ll fill you in about my ordeal 43 years ago another time. Yep. It’s been going on a long time.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. All vulnerable people need to be protected. I am so sorry this happened. And I believe it. I was raped by a man who is also a member. I went to my Bishop. He told me that God no longer loved me. Called me a liar and stopped all visits from missionaries and members alike. Also told me I would need his permission for a blessing should I ever want one.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m sure there are people out there who did have bad experiences in the bishop’s office. Unfortunately, there are people in every religion that do wrong things. But in my experience, I was very glad that I was able to talk to the bishop alone and work through my problems with him, and that there wasn’t another person there with me. If my mom had come into the interview I would have never been able to talk through my problems and come up with a solution. Nor would I have felt comfortable with another person in the room either. Let’s be careful to keep this whole thing in perspective and not treat it as a problem with all bishops in all situations. Most bishops are kind, caring, and loving people who truly want to help you work through your problems. You all make it seem like all bishops everywhere are trouble.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No the point of all this is to bring attention to the fact that REQUIRING this of all young people is opening the door for people who would (and have) abuse the opportunity. It’s great your experience was positive but the people who have had horrible ones like this have not been heard until now. The church defends this practice so you don’t have to do it here. And trying to take the “not all bishops” angle undermines these painful experiences and prevents people from wanting to come forward.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow. Sadly, SO similar my own story.
    Lost my virginity at 15(boyfriend 16). My parents kept me home from school the next day after they found out, invited my grandparents over and forced me to confess to them(since I had sullied their name somehow(my mother’s maiden name, which wasn’t mine, but whatever, right?)). Then they forced me to confess to our bishop (my great uncle; brother of my aforementioned grandfather), who asked many inappropriately probing questions. (I’ve blocked most of them out, but I recall a couple)
    But the person who called me a slut was my dad. My mom was complaining about my sister not doing enough chores and my dad countered with, “at least she’s not a slut.” Then I came around the corner. He later apologized, but that only confirmed that he was definitely referring to me(and it felt like a “sorry you heard me” rather than a real apology).
    He was called as our bishop shortly thereafter. He called me a “Jezebel” while bishop.
    Incidentally, I’ve never heard anything but praise for him from everyone else in that ward. Even years later a guy tracked me down on Facebook and asked me to tell my dad what a positive impact he’d had on him. These bishops aren’t necessarily bad people, but they are definitely unskilled and unaware of the lasting damage they can carelessly inflict.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s